


Fade Away

by KnightOwl725



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Asexual Caduceus, Character Study, Demisexual Caduceus, Drabble, Fjorclay Week 2020, Gay yearning, M/M, Not Beta Read, Pining, Reflection, Teahaw Y'all, This came out sadder than I intended oops, fairytale, prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-22
Updated: 2020-04-22
Packaged: 2021-03-01 19:54:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 951
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23792689
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KnightOwl725/pseuds/KnightOwl725
Summary: For Fjorclay Week 2020's fairytale prompt.A reflection on classic fairy tale tropes and roles, where Caduceus thinks of himself happily as the fairy guardian/god parent in Fjord's story until suddenly it's not such a happy thought.
Relationships: Caduceus Clay & Fjord, Caduceus Clay/Fjord
Comments: 4
Kudos: 57





	Fade Away

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote most of this on my phone, then went back and attempted to clear out the many typos. Bear with me if any lingered.

Caduceus had grown up on a steady diet of stories. Stories of the gods, of his beloved Wildmother. Stories of his family and their adventures when the itch to leave outgrew the comforts of home. Stories, endless stories, from the mourners. He knew more tales about people he'd never met alive than those he had.

He also knew the stories held in scripture, prophecy, even fairy tales. He had loved the fairy tales as a child, long after Calliope and Colton grew to roll their eyes and scoff. A prince and a princess. A wicked witch, a doting fairy helper, a terrifying dragon. Heroic stories of duty, honor, sacrifice, and love. 

Perhaps it was because of his life, which both mirrored the fairy tales in duty and honor but contrasted them in adventure and heroics, that he found them to be terribly romantic. Even the ones without romance. 

But he, too, grew older. Those once beloved stories folded neatly in the corners of his mind. Until he met the Mighty Nein.

They were not always the purely heroic and honorable kinds of heroes those old stories spoke of, but Cad knew that when history recalled his friends, it would smooth out the quirks and imperfections into the time-honored heroes of legend.

They were wild. Impulsive. Chaotic. Driven only by the whims of the wind and a fierce need not to lose one of their own, not again.

It was all too fitting that he appeared in their time of mourning. Something to lean on, something to distract. A quiet, passive role that he knew well.

Well. Until Fjord.

Cad wouldn't say he met fjord at his worst moemnt, all that time lost to torture and capture and darkness, but it certainly wasnt his best. He was uncertain. Darkened. Aimless i spirit even when the body claimed a direction. Lost in the dark waves he so adored.

How was a fixer like cad supposed to stay away? He could help. He had to helo. What was he if not helping? 

And it felt good, didn't it? Better than helping most. Fjord needed a lighthouse, and Caduceus was there at the edge of the waters anyway, shining vibrant and strange.

Caduceus was used to trying to help. He was used to failing. He was not used to reaching out his hand only for the other person to cling tightly, to take the aid with gratitude and respect, to demand nothing but accept everything.

If cad were his own friend, he would have noticed right away the ways he hid from his own pain by burying into others, why this might be good and unwholesome and right and still unhealthy.

He prayed. He helped. He supported. He felt that pang of disappointment that night Fjord snuck into their room on that ship, smelling like Avantika, and told himself it was all part of Fjord’s process. And ignored it.

Melora turned her gaze upon him as well. She answered his prayers in more ways than he could have thought to ask, and Caduceus felt a bead of pride.

It felt more and more like a fairytale. Fjord, the wayward prince with a heart of gold tainted by darkness. And Caduceus, if he were allowed a place in Fjord’s story, felt rather like he was the fairy guardian. A little bit of magic, a little bit of faith and support and guidance and look how the prince flourished.

It would've made a beautiful story. If it ended there. 

Maybe it started way back then, around the time that spent with Avantika. Maybe it came later, but change swept over him until the realization hit like the frigid seawater of Fjord’s oceans.

Caduceus was in love.

It wasn't right. It didn't make sense. Cad had always appreciated the idea of romance but it had never touched him, never gripped his chest like it was trying to burst his heart with longing alone. It yet might.

The Guardian never ended up with the prince. They stayed on the sidelines, usually fading the moment they are no longer needed. They laid forgotten in the minds and hearts of the hero and the audience. Nothing more than a warm dream.

Jester didn't help the metaphor. Caduceus in part knew that things had changed for her as well. She was growing and maturing, and her playful flirtations with Fjord seemed fewer and farther between. Almost a little forced.

But then again, that might be him wishing. After all, who could compete with such a picturesque fairytale princess? Surrounded by little creatures, real and magical, chosen by a deity, dancing through life with joy and kindness even when it did not return the favors. Through faith alone, she had created a god. Through compassion, she had bested a hag. 

She deserved a happy ending, but did she want one with Fjord? And Fjord with her?

He couldn't read Fjord as easily as others, and certainly not since these feelings developed. Had he ever cared for jester? Did he still? Did he now?

Fjord had the Wildmother now, and he didn’t need Caduceus for that, either. He was proud, truly. But also emptied by it. What was he if not helping?

So he pushed back on finding his family. Not ready to know what happened. Not ready to face what awaited him. Not ready to know what came after. Would this be his ending with the Mighty Nein?

He wasn’t ready to close the story. He wasn’t ready to fade away, to be forgotten. But the guardian always leaves when they are not needed, so when cad says farewell to his family, he tells them someone still needs him.

He almost believes it.

**Author's Note:**

> Caduceus please talk about your feelings.
> 
> This was partially inspired by the manga Princess Jellyfish and the related internal turmoil of a ~particular character about their role in ~another character's fairy tale. 
> 
> Also the BIGGEST shout out to any and all creators who write Caduceus as on the aro/ace spectrum. Not mad at him being portrayed allo of course. He's a great character regardless but aro/ace Cad is just *chef's kiss*.


End file.
